Yo.Stop.

JUDGMENTAL. 

I think that about sums up the majority of the population in today's world. If not everyone, I sure as hell feel that my generation is. We fault people for things that they have no control over. If someone has big lips or big ears, we are quick to call them out on it if ever an altercation or little fiasco arises. "Shut up ugly!! ...with ya big a** lips!" But when I really sit and think about it how can we do that to people? We were made how we are. We didn't get to chose what features we wanted over others. We didn't have a custom made checklist to decide what to and not to have when we entered this world. God created each & every one of us, despite our flaws and mishaps...and we're ALL special. So nowadays I try my hardest not to judge people on what they look like. Maybe if we were all like that there would be less people spending thousands of dollars on cosmetic surgery trying to alter their external appearance. Now, regardless of what you do look I expect everyone to keep up good hygiene and stylish appearance. Keeping yourself up and looking good can make you feel better about yourself. And being confident in yourself automatically makes you a people magnet. Trust. Do whatever you have to do to be comfortable with yourself. Don't let this judgmental world tear you down. Shit, sometimes I throw on a pair of sexy panties on a regular day just to feel good. Don't judge me. Haha. You gotta do that sometimes. 

F E A R.

This little four letter word can do some serious damage to someone's life if they allow it. Fear can even creep up on you in your elementary days...having you scared to approach that first crush or even sit where you want to in the school cafeteria. Fear is the reason why lots of people are stuck in their mediocre jobs and normal lifestyles. Some people are actually afraid to take that risk because of the idea of failure or rejection. There's been many adults [older than me] that when asked if they are living out their dreams, they've replied no. They're just doing whatever needs to be done to get an income and keep their household in shape. And surprisingly, I somewhat understand it. It's hard to just leap out and do something when you have no clue what the outcome will be. But I also think the feeling of never trying has to feel 10x worse than failing at an attempted goal. I mean in this world today it seems people are forced to go to school, get a job, make money, and somehow forget about their dreams. Naaaaaa. Not me. I refuse to be sitting up in someone's corporate office my whole life rocking business suits and uniform 2inch heels. That was never me & I honestly believe that it will never be. We have to get out here in this world and face our fears. Do not be afraid to fail. Practice makes perfect. 

There's this other "F" word that keeps me going. This word trumps fear, failure and any other word that can prevent one from aspiring to become what they want to be. FAITH. It works too. Faith is confidence or trust that things will work out, regardless of any situation. Faith in God will definitely keep you striving for your goals despite the world's attempt to shut you down and kick your dreams out the window. I think some people are naturally faithful individuals. For me, it took practice. I used to have a hard time understanding how rent would be paid next week when I was $200 short this week. But trust and believe, at the end of the day things work out in your favor and everything will be okay. 

So once again I just want to tell you to chase your dreams. Forget fear, treat it like an unwanted friend and move on without it. Whether it's speaking to that guy/girl you've been admiring for months or years, the career you've wanted since you were a child, or simply sitting with a group of people in the school cafeteria that you've always wanted to converse with. Don't be afraid. This is your life and you only get one to live. So do it...faithfully with your head high. I promise, there will be NO regrets. =]

Tuesday's Thoughts.

I'm what you might call a Twitterhead. [@luckieleftee btw]

Most times, you'll catch me on my blackberry reading my followers funny, intellectual, and sometimes pointless tweets. 

Recently one of my followers posted something that disturbed me. She said that she feels that "black women are the least sought after women amongst any other race." At first, I read it and blew it off, like whatever, that's just her opinion. But then, just to see how much truth that statement actually had I asked one of my male friends [who is black] and he said he agrees. He says that "most black women are crazy and confusing and don't know what they want." 

The perception of black women in today's world is fucked. We seem to be at the very bottom of the totem pole. I mean, even if you look at music videos today, the main girl is mostly always light to white...or spanish. Why are we seen to be such "high maintenance" individuals? Why does it seems we are becoming obsolete to the many other races and/or nationalities when it comes to men's choices? Are we really THAT difficult? I hear so many men out here saying that black women are just too much of a headache. What does that say about us women? Part of me wants to say "NO". Us black women have standards, and under no circumstances should we compromise. I mean, we want what we want, and if it takes being difficult at times, then so be it. But on the other hand, I can also say that [it seems] black women go through the most issues...socially, emotionally, and mentally. So we might be a little bit harder than other women. Either take the challenge or get lost. Idk. I guess it's a debate that can go on forever. I'm gonna do some more research on this topic and continue it at another time because I definitely want a clearer explanation on this.

Umm I have..

78 days.

It's Hovi Baby.

This is my guy.

Like no, really. Shawn Corey Carter, known to the world as Jay-z, is my guy.

He is one of the greatest emcees ever. But I bet you already know that.

He has definitely made his mark in Hip-Hop.

Decoded.

On November 16, Jay-Z will be releasing his first book. It will be titled "Decoded" and is said to be a book of explanations...or for a better word lets just use the title. Jay will be decoding 36 of his own classic tracks. It will provide insight and meaning to some of the greatest songs ever recorded. For fans and all avid lovers of hip-hop, this book will be enlightening while also interesting. I know I cannot wait. This is definitely a must buy. =]

LOVE.

Yo. This writing shit is jive ill. 

I love it. It feels good to be able to vent about whatever enters my mind. & the fact that people actually want to read my thoughts makes me feel even better. It's awesome. I can only imagine how excited someone feels when their first piece of writing is published. That will be an ultimate high for me. More than any blunt can provide. One day son. One day.

I guess since I titled this entry "love" I'll actually write about some things I love...& why [no particular order].

• WRITING. This is self-explanatory. Like seriously.
• MUSIC. Like what in thee hell would my life be without it? It's my oxygen. It keeps me going. Melodic beats and sick lyrics keep me going. Music can turn a bad day good. It can make a good day feel like the best day. Therapy that's what I like to call it. It soothes my soul.
• SNEAKERS. I swear I would be a sneakerhead if my money allowed it. Ha. I gotta thing for Nikes. Dunks, SBs, AirMax. It's crazy...They're super comfy and they complement skinnys and a cardigan really well. Now don't get me wrong, I love my heels. And with my legs, why wouldn't I? But sneakers will forever be my first love. It's too many flavors of kicks for your closet to just be limited to black and white. 
• GUYS. Eye candy. Duhh. Well, they're good to talk to too. Sometimes it's good to get a male's perspective on things. Because from what it seems, guys&gals have totally different outlooks on shit...from who drives better to styles of dress. They also are good at giving affection. =]]]]]] Gotta love em.
• LAUGHS. Anyone who knows me knows I'm a goofball. I laugh all the time...sometimes at the wrong time. Laughter is good for the soul though. Everyone should partake in it at least 25 times a day. Haa.



Small Collection of my VIBE issues.

• VIBE MAGAZINE. It's byfar one of my most favorite periodicals to ever grace newsstands. From day one they've covered the hottest artists of the times, while focusing on fashion, beauty, and straight up raw info on things the community needs to know. VIBE has been like a hip-hop bible to me. My mom stayed with the subscription when I was young so I'd always be in the know. It's absolutely awesome. One day, I'll work for them. MARK MY WORDS.

Listen.

FEMALES. 

We are some of the most distinct and intricate creatures that God had the pleasure of designing. 

Men complain and say that we are nothing but picky and confused [among other adjectives], but what would they do without us? We keep them sane, we keep them looking their best, and overall I believe we are their motivation in life. I mean think about it, they want a nice job to make good money so they can buy the nice clothes, car, home, all things that will enthuse the female into hopefully pursuing them. Men criticize us enough, but they love us all the same.

We are strong. We are resilient. 

I find it funny when guys claim they are "players" because they have had their heartbroken by a girl who they deemed to be special. They shut their feelings out and put up a wall and promise to never let the next one get as close. I laugh because I think about the many women who are wronged by men everyday. We hurt for sometime, cry it out, but eventually we get over it. I know, there's some women out here who are just bitter and will fault every man on the account of one's mistakes. But for the normal ones, we chuck it up and move on, in hopes that the next guy will be our "knight in shining armor". I never try to place my past on my future, somehow it seems like it puts a damper things to come. Optimistic. 

We have it harder than males. 

We're expected to behave a certain way. And if we don't, we're "weird" or UN-ladylike. Psssh. And nowadays with this society it even seems we're expected to look a certain way. Either you're super skinny with a model type physique or you're a centerfold vixen with curves that will kill anyone. There's not much to say for the "in betweens", or the ones who have a lil here&there. It seems that if you don't fit the mold, you grow old...FAST. smh. In my opinion, this definitely puts a strain on female's perspective of themselves. Everyone wants to be looked at as beautiful. And if everyone is constantly judging then how can you feel? I know, most people say "F*ck what people have to say about you" but at the end of the day, you want to be liked by someone right? Now I'm speaking on behalf of us women out here. I have no clue how males and their whole self esteem gauge works. I just feel like women have it harder out here and we are looked at microscopically for everything we do. 

...to be continued.

Funny. One of my homies [www.thisisdope.tumblr.com] touched on a topic so similar to mine that I felt NOW was the time to continue my little rant. He talked about women and their ways and why a lot of them out here are single, bitter, and unhappy. It made me laugh. But then again, I'm like damn. HE'S RIGHT.  -__-

Unrealistic standards are definitely a major factor in why soo many of us girls are a part of "team cold sheets". We CANNOT be expecting the nigga with the best body, flyest car, and Ph.D, while we only have our high school diploma and are shopping at Rainbow. NO m'aam. I never understood that concept. You should want to be on the same level as your mate. If you are not on top of your game why not find someone who is at your level and BUILD with him? Grow TOGETHER...I don't see anything wrong with that at all. Most men [if not ALL] love ambitious females. Women who are out striving to make something of themselves so they don't have to ask anyone for anything. I never understood the breed of women who expect their guy to take care of them. Now don't get me wrong, I do not have a problem with my guy doing things for me, but the problem comes in when you allow him to do everything for you while you sit back and do NOTHING. Newsflash!! Stop looking for these men to be your superhero!! I'll tell you, doing that will only get you where you were before him..ALONE. Idk. Maybe it's the product of nonexistent fathers. Sad, but true.

...& for some I believe they are that way because of what they have witnessed in their household growing up...it is a cycle. If the only thing you have ever heard your mom say about a man is that "niggas aint shit!" then what will you believe? 

Shoutout to all the women in the world who vowed to not let the cycle continue and have decided to turn their negative perspective into a positive outcome.  

I promise ladies, keep building yourself and in time the right guy will come and be all you want him to be. Watch.

<3.

10.10.10

I'm back. It's been four days. Here I go forgetting about my online journal. I forget that some people look forward to me writing new things. I definitely have to get better at this. I will with time. At least I'm more comfortable with doing it. Blogging is becoming more of a habit to me now. Hopefully one day it will just be a part of my job as I progress towards my career. =]

Hmmm. I've been wrecking my brain today with old flames and flashbacks. One in particular. He just popped in my head like a sudden epiphany and hasn't had the pleasure of escaping my thoughts yet. Don't ask why, because I don't even know. I cannot even understand what caused his face to somehow flood all my thoughts and takeover my mental. I'm sitting here thinking about second chances, "what if's", and "how comes". I shouldn't even be doing this. The past is the past. No looking in the rearview if I'm in [D]rive right? Smh. Crazy. The chemistry was heaven sent...or so I thought. I mean, I thought by now we'd be planning trips for 2011. Hmph. Wishful thinking. You know what? No. I'm not about to do this. He does not even deserve space on my page yet alone a whole entry. I gotta chill.

It's Sunday. The day most people spend relaxing, preparing themselves for the week ahead. And for once, I'm following that rule. Usually I'm out...wasting gas just to be out the house. But not today, I'm madd sleepy. Long weekend with the girls. Dinner & clubbing  two nights in a row has robbed me of any energy my body possessed. Not to mention, the clubs we went to were hip-hop/carribbean spots, which mean there's dancing ALL night. Yes, I'm beat. I've probably had about 12 hours of sleep [if that] this whole weekend. I am good though. I live for unforgettable weekends like this.





bathroom break. =]
Me & Tee.





My mind is all over the place tonight. I cannot stick to one topic. Anyhoo. 86 days. Cannot wait. Feels like forever already. smh. Couple more weeks until my big move. Nervous? Kinda. Excited? Yes.

====>Happy BIRTHDAY to my MOMMY& homie Jabari!<====



The Countdown Begins.

90 Days Without My Best Friend. 

iLy.

Kev.

 I'll be counting the days.



Hump Day.

This morning I woke up wishing  I shared my bed with a boyf of some sort. Duhh, it's "hump day"! Naaa, I was just cold and it would have felt nice to roll over into someone's arms. Silly me huh? I was just talking about how I don't need anybody this winter. I'm so wishy-washy. But hey, everyone wants someone to hold. I'm no different.

Anyhoo, I was listening to my homie's song called "Self-Conscious"and it got me to thinking. So many females, or people, suffer from self consciousness. You know, that feeling you get when you're not 100% comfortable with being in your own skin. I mean I can admit, there was a time in my life when I was self-conscious. Having B/C-cup breasts in a classroom full of girls who could barely make out an A-cup never sat with me well. It made me feel some type of way, like I wasn't normal. Took me a while...YEARS...to accept it and realize that "heyy, this is me. I'll always be this way." Now I'm fine. For the most part I am content with myself and who I am. But I'm pretty sure there are still some people out there who's childhood insecurities are haunting them as adults. I just want to let you know that you are AWESOME however God made you. Forget what people say to or about you. They are only words and will go in one ear and out the other. This post is for everyone but it's especially for the ladies, because I know how we sometimes take people's opinions personal. I know how much we try to live up to the image of beauty that the media set for us. All I want to say is KNOW YOUR WORTH. You are special in some way that no outfit, hairstyle, or makeup can measure. Beauty is below the skin. It's not all in the exterior. Learn to be comfortable in your skin and love yourself, that's the only way you'll ever be able to love someone else.

"Don't Be So Self-Conscious...Girl You Know You Got It."