It's Morninngggg.

....and I slept the nite awayyy.

SIKE. Last night was a weird one for me. My foot has been under the weather lately so I decided to call it a night early. On a friday? Yupp. It was thundering&lightning anyhoo. But man, my dreams are so bizarre that I sometimes wake up in the middle of the night just to end em. Crazy I know. Then, whenever I do wake up in the AM, the feelings I had in my dream somehow follow me to reality. I wake up feeling so misplaced. And the fact that my life feels like a big question mark doesn't help. I'm good though. In time, it'll all be better...

So there's 6 days til my auntie's wedding [yipee!!] and 4 days til I'm in Buffalo again. It's been two years since I've been there and I must say I can't wait to go. It's always epic. Nights I won't remember with the people that I won't forget. Yeaa, I took that line from Drizzy, but I'm sure he won't mind it. I hope I get to see everyone that I want to when I'm there. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings or nuttin. But yea, honestly, I'm gonna have as much fun as I can when I'm gone because soon as I return reality will once again slap me in the face. School will be back in session *sighs* and back to work.

Tuesday's Thoughts.

So this isn't gonna have a subject. I'm just writing off the top of my head. That's usually when my best thoughts come about. Writer's block doesn't occur when it's coming from the heart. Well that's what my homie Smizzie once said. Anyhoo. I haven't been on my blog lately. I've been dealing with this thing called life. It always has my attention. There's always something that needs to be done. Between working and trying to prepare for this upcoming semester of school, I've been an emotional wreck with MADD thoughts crowding my head. One thing about myself is that I am very much an overthinker. I am very analytical. I break things down and make assumptions that are sometimes all the way in left field. But sometimes I'm right. It all depends.

Mannnn it's crazy. I want to be a graphic designer so bad. I'm really about to be on my Wale "No Days Off" ishh when school starts. NERD. That's what imma be. I'm tryna network with anyone who shares the same career goals as myself or anything in relation to some form of art. I need to get it going. Im 22. And not getting any younger. Gotta set a foundation for my family. I don't want my [future] kids to struggle as much as I did. I'm pretty sure everyone feels that way but I'm so serious. There's nothing like living comfortably. And honestly, right now in my life on my own income I am NOT living under such conditions. Counting the days til my next direct deposit check hits is not something I want to do for the rest of my life. I mean people say "oh Jazz, you're still young, this is what you go through..." naaaaa son. I wanna be comfortable. Sometimes I feel like my drive is gone. Maybe it drove off somewhere else. Parked itself right in someone else's garage and is helping them get by...because some days I wake up like WTF !!!! Where am I going? Am I planning effectively? I just gotta remain focused. Keep my eyes on the prize...whatever that may be. Funny I can give someone else such uplifting advice whenever they need it but when it comes to following it myself it isn't that easy. I'll be ok.

Love Life.

...or lack thereof.

We'll just see where it goes. I don't wanna elaborate too much on it and jinx whatever could be brewing up in our future so imma hushhh. =]

It's easy to say what you want to do. What car you want to drive. What kind of house you want to live in. What you want your spouse to look/act like. But what are you doing to achieve those aspirations and secure your dreams to make them reality?

So There's This Guy...

Lupe Fiasco.

This guy tickles my fancy in more ways than one. ^_^

The first reason should be obvious.
This man is effin gorgeous. He has the sexiness on lock with a pinch of "nerd". I love it. Ooohlala. He's cute right? I know you see it. Aside from that is his music. I consider him to be one of the greatest lyricists. He's so intelligent. And when you put those types of thoughts on a beat you cannot go wrong. Lupe Fiasco is definitely on my top list of faves. I just wanted to dedicate something to him. This man is marriage material. Ha. ♥ ♥ ♥

Love.Yea.Right.

Love is so powerful yet no one can clearly define it.

As I sit here & think about Mary J Blige's song "real love" I think about how I NEVER actually experienced that real love. I mean yea, I've had people that I've loved and I'm pretty sure they loved me but naaa, I don't think there's been a time when I felt like I honestly was in love. That unconditional "I don't care what you look like today" love. That "she's mine & I don't care who knows" love. The one who's there when you need him & vice versa. Nope. He's never been here. Bothers me though. I mean, sometimes I feel I am incapable of acquiring such love. That's bad. Us women are told to always be aware of your worth. "You're a beautiful queen who deserves nothing but the best". Yeaa yeaa yeaa. I mean I believe I'm worthy of a good man but I'm soo scared to give my heart that if he does come along I might ruin it. I sit & think of all the older women around me whose ring finger hasn't been decorated with that lifetime promise of love. It honestly scares me to see that. Everyone deserves to be happy. & that's a fact.

I can only imagine the handfuls of women out here who share my thoughts and feelings. It seems that love would be so easy to attain since there's so many people out here who want it. Mind games. I think that's one of the biggest hurdles when it comes to finding real love. You meet someone. Attempt to get to know them. Understand their psyche. Ask their hobbies, likes, dislikes, ect. hoping to find some sort of outstanding compatibility to make them "The One". In the beginning it's [p e r f e c t]. It seems like you can love that person for the rest of your life. No question. But when that "puppy love" feel wears off where do you pick up? What do you do when the calls become seldom and the text messages go from paragraphs to a mere 1-2 words? I believe that when these type of things happen it's just reality settling in. Fairy tales don't last forever. I don't think it means your over. Naaaaaa. Not me. See I'm a Taurus. We're patient lovers. I believe that if you really want something then sometimes you gotta have patience. Good things comes to those who wait right? Exactly. I beleive there's someone for everyone. So don't worry. Love will come knockin when you least expect it.

        

 Like really. I could sit here and write endlessly on love, relationships, and humans. But I'm not.

Bangin NEW Hip-Hop.

WALE. <3

He's one of my favorite artists period. 

The authenticity of his music and its content blows my mind. Like he actually talks about things worth listening to. Anyhoo...his newest mixtape "More About Nothing" dropped yesterday August 3rd. It's already creating a buzz. Trending topic on Twitter and all. 

[Clap for em.] If you love real hip-hop then please give it a listen. I guarantee you won't be disappointed. For the download you can hit up my homie B.Dionne's blog. GET WALE MIXTAPE HERE

Rambling.

Life is what you make it right?

That's what people always say. But what if you grow up not really knowing what your "thing" is? What if you weren't that little girl who knew exactly what she wanted to be at the age of 8? I changed my mind sooo many times. I wanted to be a doctor until I realized I'm an emotional ass person and blood is NOT my best friend. Then I thought of becoming some kind of journalist. I mean people all around me would tell me my writing skills were good enough to publish and for a while I believed it. I started thinking I would one day become editor of VIBE and eventually have my own magazine. Then I got to college here came the rude awakening...my english professor would ink my paper's up more than Wiz Khalifa's body. I began to think. Is this what I REALLY wanna do? Am I gonna wake up every morning excited and exuberant about going to work? It got sketchy and here I was confused again. I thought back to things I enjoy & I started to realize that I'm very into making things colorful & eye catching. I'm into crazy photography and anything involving graphics. I sorta have this art psyche within me that tells me to always express yourself through photos or music or some kind of tangible art. I was always the "go-to girl" for hooking up myspace pages a couple years ago. I just knew what should go where, what songs one should have on their page and so fourth. This is why now my major is graphic design. it took me forever to realize that this is something that I can do for life and prolly enjoy it forever. So here's to me...finally being more secure in my decision and actually sticking with it. Let's see where it takes me.

PAY ATTENTION.

Just Slowwww It Down.

Totally fell in love with a new song today.

Honestly, I think this song is old but ohhwell. Any music I haven't heard is new music to me. I had no clue that I'd be so intrigued by the tempo, words of the song, and overall flow.

Anyhoo. This song goes perfect with my love life right now.

These past couple months have been nothing but a learning experience for me&him. Ain't nothing like mind sex before all the tangible-ness things come to play. [shutup]

S l o w  is the best way to take it when its new. Rushing usually causes nothing but misconceptions and 

in most cases for us females, a BROKEN heart.

And none of us really wants to be hurt.

Addicted.

...its just  my thoughts. relax.

...Or that's what it feels like.

Some kind of drug.

I need a hit.

Why is it so far?

I need my fix.

It has me absorbed.

Im all soaked up.

Gimme more.

What I have is NOT enough.

[this is a way of metaphorically expressing my thoughts. NO. I'm not on drugs.]

geeez.loueeez.

So. The second half of the year that draws the first decade of the millennium to a close is here and I am J U S T now beginning my blog. I know, I know...it took me long enough. But I didn't know how to approach it. You can't just jump into a thing like this. It has to be the right time, moment, and occassion.

Kinda like a female's virginity =/.

You gotta feel me.
I struggled to think about what people would want to read from me. Entertainment news? Gossip? Fashion? I had NO clue. But as I thought about it I said you know what? Fuck it. This is MY blog, therefore you're gonna read MY words, MY thoughts, and MY experiences. I figured that either you'd love it or direct your mouse elsewhere and off my blog. =]