It's A Secret.

I took this photo a couple days ago when my homie took me to his secret hideaway. Well I guess it's not really a secret if it's a public area but so what. Anyhoo, he names it the "Rabbit Hole" and it looks like just that. An abandoned area filled with graffiti, grass, dirt, and rocks. He says it was an old railroad. I thought it was pretty cool [especially the graffiti]. It reminded of a place you could escape to if ever you needed to be away from the rest of the world. Sanctuary. You know.. self reflection type ishh. I dig it. 

I Sooo <3 Graffiti.

We had to climb up mounds of rocks to even get to the area. I felt like a kid again. Got my hands dirty a little bit. And since I've got older I've been the type you would consider "girlie" so dirt and my hands usually don't mix. I made an exception though. And I'm actually glad that he did bring me up there. If ever I needed to talk to the Almighty or just chill out dolo then that would definitely be a place I'd love to go. 

Tight. Literally.

Don't they make you salivate? This here is one of the brands of shoes that most girls would kill to rock. They're the "bees knees". Louboutins. Yeahh. You peep the red bottoms.


Anyhoo, how mad would you be if you ordered your first shoe from this Italian owned company and when it arrives at your house you come to the horrifying revelation that its too small? Instant sadness.

Well that happened to my cousin. Tried the shoe on and it didn't fit. It was horrible. Guess she'll just have to send them back and exchange them. But sheesh, the thought of having to wait longer for your shoes is just ewwww. 


Short story I had to share. Thanks for listening. =]]

Why.

Reality TV is taking over. While watching the drama infested finale of Vh1's "Basketball Wives" I realize this. Here is a group of women who are now reaching fame just for being married to a man of status. The fact that the majority of the wives are divorced from those men makes me question the title and the motive for the whole show itself. I mean why? We listen to their problems, criticize their lives & choices. Why are we so into watching the lives of others on TV? My sole purpose is for entertainment and laughs. 

But what about the younger generations who are learning the way of life from the TV screen? The children who's parents aren't around to show them what REAL love is, instead of just being a contestant amongst other women to win over a man's heart? [As seen on "For The Love of Ray J"] I mean seriously, TV has definitely changed since I was a child. Nowadays there's shows about everything. From finding love to finding someone who's "DTF" for the night [Jersey Shore], we can clearly see that our society's morals have doubtlessly changed. Seems the media doesn't care who watches their shows, long as there ratings are good there's no problems. But are you really risking destroying the livelihood of the kids just to achieve successful ratings? Yes, we can say "don't watch that!" "turn that off!" but it's still out there. Beyond TV. 

It amazes me to see how much the media has shaped us. We believe everything we see. We have biased opinions on everything. Everyone is expected to be beautiful in the means of what the media potrays. Skinny. Big ass. Long hair. Men should be oozing with sexiness as well. Tall, 6 or 8 pack, perfect teeth. Blahhhh. We are all tainted. Our vision of beauty is clearly off scale. And television is such a big influence. 

SoloDolo,

All I want is to be content. I don't want to need a significant other to make me smile. That's wack. I've been single for over two years now and even though there's times when I really want that guy around  so I can be cuddled up with him, I realize that I am satisfied loving me. 

Hit me like some sort of epiphany though. Woke up with a smile. Always feels good to not anticipate that text from "him" in the morning. I no longer reach out and try to compete for his attention either. It is what it is. And that will never change. My brain has spent countless seconds&minutes trying to mend whatever broke between him and I but I can't do it any longer. I am now satisfied with whatever transpires between us. & though it may not be everything I thought it would, I have no choice but to let it be. 

You know the saying. Some people are meant to be in your life for a season and some for a lifetime. [Well it's something like that] I believe that statement. I believe that some people are meant to only be in your life for certain time periods. Everyone isn't a keeper. And the problem comes in when you try to keep someone in your life longer than they were supposed to be. If God has placed someone in your life for a season and you want to keep them around forever it won't be beneficial to you. You'll only keep asking yourself "what is wrong with us?" "what happened?" ..Well nothing happened it's just time for that person to be removed from your life. 

It's always hard for me to tell who's around for a season and who for a lifetime. Because most times I try to keep who I want to keep around. Regardless of God's plan. I only wind up hurting myself , struggling to hold on to what things were like in the past. Uggghh. It's ridiculous. I know. But that's how I am. It takes a lot to really upset me, so I give people more chances than the average person would. Whatever though, I'm realizing that maybe I'm single for a reason. This may be the time when I need to focus on me. Try and reach my dreams. I don't see anything wrong with that at all. 

Whenever he comes along, cool. But for now I'm in a relationship with ME. =]]]]]

hi.

Things are looking up.
I feel good.
Don't ask why because I don't even know for sure but I do know that I am smiling.
I guess I'm seeing what my life could be if I just focus and get me together.
There are so many people who want me as their person for writing.
Now call it what you want but I'm actually flattered that people even see me in such a way.
Who am I not to jump on such opportunities?
If only VIBE could do the same.....


It's already the third month of this new year. Can you believe it? I can't. I have a feeling that this year is going to go fast. So I guess it's only right that I get going. 

Feb Fourteenth.

He said when I don't have the inspiration to write myself then I need to go find it. I guess he was right. There has definitely been some things that has went on in my life in the past couple weeks that were worth writing about. Slurred nights, hungover mornings, funny people, interesting stories, all of the above.

My writing would just flow. Now it takes hours for me to fully finish one entry. It bothers me. Sometimes my ambition decides to depart from the inner me and leave me feeling like I can't. Makes me feel incapable of 

expressing myself. I guess it's like that with most writers though.. you write when something sparks your interest or imagination.

I wonder if my life was a reality series would it be interesting enough to sustain the attention of the people?

I mean, my days aren't filled with excitement minute after minute but sheesh.. there's always something. Plus I'm a bit of an over thinker so there's never a dull moment in this brain of mine.

C i r c l e s.

I've been walking in a lot of those lately. Walk away from a situation only to end up right where you left off. That can't be healthy. Sometimes I don't want to leave things alone. Even when I know they're not getting any better. That's the gift&curse of being a Taurus I guess.

Anyway

Happy Valentine's Day simps. I'm pretty sure the majority of the nation's population are celebrating this day with lots of material gifts, PDA, & endless hours of sex. [wrap it up!] I mean seriously though? The love that will be displayed today should be shown every other day of the year. I mean it's all good to celebrate this day with the one you love and all but sometimes it all seems a little over the top. 

But who am I to say this anyway? I'm just a single chick out here loving herself on this day of affection.  

As you can see I'm all over the place with my words. This is just how I get. 

Thoughts on Thursday.

Pictures. While they are awesome to have throughout life to look back on things that took place, certain pictures hold such sentimental value that even a glance at it can evoke feelings that you thought left you when he did. I'm being a simp. Sue me. I took a trip down memory lane this morning. One gander at his picture and immediately I began to think of the things I missed. Long kisses, bear hugs, deep stares, endless hours of mind sex, and more. It's crazy. How one person can make you feel like no one else can. Guess that's how it's supposed to be between males and females. *shrugs* I miss him. Not that he's completely absent from my life but things have definitely changed for reasons that are still unclear to the both of us.  And what sucks is when you don't even know how seam the rough edges and get it back. Suxx. But whatever. Memory lane is never a good street to go down when you're suffering from a mild case of nostalgia. Makes you just want to click your heels, right all wrongs, and move forward with all smiles. 

On To The Next..

As this month draws to a close, a month filled with love and sappiness approaches. February. The over celebrated holiday is a little over two weeks away... a day that measures your love for someone else with gifts and costly items. Me and February 14th have never seen eye to eye. In high school, I can remember "sing-a-grams", a gift someone would send to their mate which meant in the middle of class someone would come into your room and sing the song of the sender's choice for the whole class to hear. It was a form of public affection to show everyone that you were indeed cared about. Well I never received one. Don't feel bad for me though, I've never been one of those chicks geeked to go to sleep in hopes of chocolates and gifts the next day from my significant other. Blahh. It's all a bit much to me. Why not express that love the other 364 days of the year as well? A couple years back I dubbed VDay as "Singles Awareness Day". Think about it. You stand out more if you're alone and giftless. It makes perfect sense. Maybe I'd be a little more optimistic about it if I ever had a year when that day proved to serve some purpose in my life. Can't wait to see the over excited & melancholic tweets on my timeline that day. They'll crack me up for sure.

Holaaa.

Everyone comes with baggage from their past relationships but what really matters is the one who helps you unpack.

-unknown

Now. Look at that. Doesn't that statement just make you even more hopeful that there will be o n e person who will come into your life and make everything better? Someone who will see your imperfections as perfect? Yeah. Well me too. I thought it was the sweetest. Like seriously, the one who wants to sort through your baggage and eventually help you put the bag down. He or she will be willing to make the changes with you instead of becoming more weight into the bag we carry into our relationships. I learned something this week. Someone asked us if we remember our first love. Then she said how may of you remember going into another relationship inadvertently treating the new beau differently because of something that you went through with the previous. Almost everyone raised their hand. It was a discussion on trauma. She explained to us that even though we may not realize it, we carry little traumas inside of us that we may not ever know we had. Interesting. Then to come across that quote just made me think of relationships even more. I'm not gonna get all mushy about love&relationships though..

HAPPY NEW YEAR. 2000Eleven.

It's a new year. Yayyyyy right? It's time to make all those resolutions.. cut back on the "useless" people in your life and start fresh. I apologize but I find all that "new-year-mumbo-jumbo" quite funny. December 31st is the day people want to rid themselves of all their shortcomings and setbacks  and look forward to things being the complete opposite the next year. Now it's all fine that people want to better themselves and their situations but why wait until the conclusion of the year to do it? There's 364 (5 on a leap year) days to do just the same but for some reason that doesn't matter. Me? I don't make resolutions.. I believe it may be better to set a goal. Seems a bit more feasible to me. But those are just my thoughts. Ur entitled to your opinion as well. I do hope that everyone has an awesome year filled with many blessings. =]]

I'm glad to see that I've been sticking with this writing. I'm getting better. Although I should become more consistent. I gotta shed away these layers of procrastination that I wear. If not, eventually it'll weigh me down and keep me from where I need to be. Especially since I have the responsibility to present and upkeep two additional blogs.

"www.FCSOS.wordpress.com"

"www.bmwentertainment.blogspot.com"

You liked my little plug huh? Check em out though. They're two great companies in Buffalo, NY and I promise they are going places. 

I have a couple more things to share with you. I'll be back. 

Note To Self.

Stop Being A Sucka. 

Ew.

EL-OHH-VEE-EE

Love.


We all want it.


But what is it exactly?


It's quite indescribable.


And what do you do when that feeling  f a d e s  and love no longer seems like enough?

What do you do when you've reached your breaking point, or as I call it your "breakthrough" point? The time when love isn't enough to keep you near. You just want to get away because you know that it's no longer going to work..

It's never a joyous occasion when someone begins to feel this way. How do you deal with it though? Do you stick it out to keep your partner happy or do you worry about your own well being and end the stagnant affair?

I say end it. Why stay somewhere where you aren't happy? You'll only become more UNhappy the longer you do. T R Y. You can attempt to repair the damage and heal the wounds of love but if that fails, then yes, I say give it up. Boy, I swear love is powerful. We have to be careful who we give it to. Some people will take it from you and not return it, take advantage of the precious feeling you offer them in exchange for nothing but a cold shoulder. Some people will give you the greatest love ever known but still it's not enough to withhold a relationship. Love is a feeling that the even the strongest mind can't control. It makes us all soft and often blind to reality. 

But when love fades? You tend to slip off that cloud you were on and realize clearly, that this may not be the best thing. I say be honest. Nothing less than 100. There's nothing more upsetting than putting on a facade for them pretending that everything is fine. It'll only cause more damage in the end. 

Love is love. I know that no one wants to hear the cliche phrase "I love you but I'm not IN love with you." but sometimes that's just the way it is. And if that person honestly loves you back then they should be willing to accept the change and move on.