Feb Fourteenth.

He said when I don't have the inspiration to write myself then I need to go find it. I guess he was right. There has definitely been some things that has went on in my life in the past couple weeks that were worth writing about. Slurred nights, hungover mornings, funny people, interesting stories, all of the above.

My writing would just flow. Now it takes hours for me to fully finish one entry. It bothers me. Sometimes my ambition decides to depart from the inner me and leave me feeling like I can't. Makes me feel incapable of 

expressing myself. I guess it's like that with most writers though.. you write when something sparks your interest or imagination.

I wonder if my life was a reality series would it be interesting enough to sustain the attention of the people?

I mean, my days aren't filled with excitement minute after minute but sheesh.. there's always something. Plus I'm a bit of an over thinker so there's never a dull moment in this brain of mine.

C i r c l e s.

I've been walking in a lot of those lately. Walk away from a situation only to end up right where you left off. That can't be healthy. Sometimes I don't want to leave things alone. Even when I know they're not getting any better. That's the gift&curse of being a Taurus I guess.

Anyway

Happy Valentine's Day simps. I'm pretty sure the majority of the nation's population are celebrating this day with lots of material gifts, PDA, & endless hours of sex. [wrap it up!] I mean seriously though? The love that will be displayed today should be shown every other day of the year. I mean it's all good to celebrate this day with the one you love and all but sometimes it all seems a little over the top. 

But who am I to say this anyway? I'm just a single chick out here loving herself on this day of affection.  

As you can see I'm all over the place with my words. This is just how I get. 

Thoughts on Thursday.

Pictures. While they are awesome to have throughout life to look back on things that took place, certain pictures hold such sentimental value that even a glance at it can evoke feelings that you thought left you when he did. I'm being a simp. Sue me. I took a trip down memory lane this morning. One gander at his picture and immediately I began to think of the things I missed. Long kisses, bear hugs, deep stares, endless hours of mind sex, and more. It's crazy. How one person can make you feel like no one else can. Guess that's how it's supposed to be between males and females. *shrugs* I miss him. Not that he's completely absent from my life but things have definitely changed for reasons that are still unclear to the both of us.  And what sucks is when you don't even know how seam the rough edges and get it back. Suxx. But whatever. Memory lane is never a good street to go down when you're suffering from a mild case of nostalgia. Makes you just want to click your heels, right all wrongs, and move forward with all smiles. 

On To The Next..

As this month draws to a close, a month filled with love and sappiness approaches. February. The over celebrated holiday is a little over two weeks away... a day that measures your love for someone else with gifts and costly items. Me and February 14th have never seen eye to eye. In high school, I can remember "sing-a-grams", a gift someone would send to their mate which meant in the middle of class someone would come into your room and sing the song of the sender's choice for the whole class to hear. It was a form of public affection to show everyone that you were indeed cared about. Well I never received one. Don't feel bad for me though, I've never been one of those chicks geeked to go to sleep in hopes of chocolates and gifts the next day from my significant other. Blahh. It's all a bit much to me. Why not express that love the other 364 days of the year as well? A couple years back I dubbed VDay as "Singles Awareness Day". Think about it. You stand out more if you're alone and giftless. It makes perfect sense. Maybe I'd be a little more optimistic about it if I ever had a year when that day proved to serve some purpose in my life. Can't wait to see the over excited & melancholic tweets on my timeline that day. They'll crack me up for sure.

Holaaa.

Everyone comes with baggage from their past relationships but what really matters is the one who helps you unpack.

-unknown

Now. Look at that. Doesn't that statement just make you even more hopeful that there will be o n e person who will come into your life and make everything better? Someone who will see your imperfections as perfect? Yeah. Well me too. I thought it was the sweetest. Like seriously, the one who wants to sort through your baggage and eventually help you put the bag down. He or she will be willing to make the changes with you instead of becoming more weight into the bag we carry into our relationships. I learned something this week. Someone asked us if we remember our first love. Then she said how may of you remember going into another relationship inadvertently treating the new beau differently because of something that you went through with the previous. Almost everyone raised their hand. It was a discussion on trauma. She explained to us that even though we may not realize it, we carry little traumas inside of us that we may not ever know we had. Interesting. Then to come across that quote just made me think of relationships even more. I'm not gonna get all mushy about love&relationships though..

HAPPY NEW YEAR. 2000Eleven.

It's a new year. Yayyyyy right? It's time to make all those resolutions.. cut back on the "useless" people in your life and start fresh. I apologize but I find all that "new-year-mumbo-jumbo" quite funny. December 31st is the day people want to rid themselves of all their shortcomings and setbacks  and look forward to things being the complete opposite the next year. Now it's all fine that people want to better themselves and their situations but why wait until the conclusion of the year to do it? There's 364 (5 on a leap year) days to do just the same but for some reason that doesn't matter. Me? I don't make resolutions.. I believe it may be better to set a goal. Seems a bit more feasible to me. But those are just my thoughts. Ur entitled to your opinion as well. I do hope that everyone has an awesome year filled with many blessings. =]]

I'm glad to see that I've been sticking with this writing. I'm getting better. Although I should become more consistent. I gotta shed away these layers of procrastination that I wear. If not, eventually it'll weigh me down and keep me from where I need to be. Especially since I have the responsibility to present and upkeep two additional blogs.

"www.FCSOS.wordpress.com"

"www.bmwentertainment.blogspot.com"

You liked my little plug huh? Check em out though. They're two great companies in Buffalo, NY and I promise they are going places. 

I have a couple more things to share with you. I'll be back. 

Note To Self.

Stop Being A Sucka. 

Ew.

EL-OHH-VEE-EE

Love.


We all want it.


But what is it exactly?


It's quite indescribable.


And what do you do when that feeling  f a d e s  and love no longer seems like enough?

What do you do when you've reached your breaking point, or as I call it your "breakthrough" point? The time when love isn't enough to keep you near. You just want to get away because you know that it's no longer going to work..

It's never a joyous occasion when someone begins to feel this way. How do you deal with it though? Do you stick it out to keep your partner happy or do you worry about your own well being and end the stagnant affair?

I say end it. Why stay somewhere where you aren't happy? You'll only become more UNhappy the longer you do. T R Y. You can attempt to repair the damage and heal the wounds of love but if that fails, then yes, I say give it up. Boy, I swear love is powerful. We have to be careful who we give it to. Some people will take it from you and not return it, take advantage of the precious feeling you offer them in exchange for nothing but a cold shoulder. Some people will give you the greatest love ever known but still it's not enough to withhold a relationship. Love is a feeling that the even the strongest mind can't control. It makes us all soft and often blind to reality. 

But when love fades? You tend to slip off that cloud you were on and realize clearly, that this may not be the best thing. I say be honest. Nothing less than 100. There's nothing more upsetting than putting on a facade for them pretending that everything is fine. It'll only cause more damage in the end. 

Love is love. I know that no one wants to hear the cliche phrase "I love you but I'm not IN love with you." but sometimes that's just the way it is. And if that person honestly loves you back then they should be willing to accept the change and move on. 

Ughh.

I wish boys still had cooties. 

That way I wouldn't care what they do or say. 


What is a "cootie" anyway?


I never knew.

I just knew that boys had them and they shouldn't touch us girls.


I guess as you get older "cooties" turn to "cuties" and we begin to pursue those once "nasty" boys.


Haha. 

Do Better.

Mothers are mandatory. Fathers are optional. 

Seriously? I'm tripping. I have to be. There is no way in the world that this statement should be acceptable in our world. I know that it's the way things seem to happen but just because it happens often does that mean we should just sit back and allow for that to be the norm?

I recently had a discussion with some people about it and they said that's the way things are and it's expected. That saddens me greatly. I'm a twenty-two year old female who someday wants children. The idea of being a single parent does not sit well with me. Yes, call me crazy but I want a husband before kids. And I want the husband to be there. Not just because he's the father but because he wants to be. Nowadays though, that seems to be a fairy tale. And if you happen to find that then you're considered one of the lucky ones. Bizarre. In my eyes, our world is officially fucked up. And the only hope we have for finding that lifetime partner that everyone deserves is through prayer and faith in God. He'll send us someone. We can't leave it up to our own decisions.. The earth is tainted. People are caught up in the wrong things. Getting into relationships for the size of a chic's ass or the stroke of a man's penis is not ideal. No. 

I guess father's are optional because people never plan to have a child with the person they lay down with. So when the girl finds out she's pregnant, the guy gets the pleasure of deciding if he actually has what it takes to be there for something he helped to create. While the girl has NO choice, because she's the one harboring the child for nine months. And if she chooses to abort, she's looked upon as fast or loose among friends and family. Sad. How much longer will we allow this to go on? Most say the reason this occurs is because  some men don't have a proper  example of a real man due to the absence of their father in the household but when will people stop letting that EXCUSE hold them back? You have to want to do better for yourself. Many women might grow up without the proper love they deserve but vow to not be the same way when they start a family. 

So men, your role as a father is NOT optional. Regardless if the mother is your wife or not. You made a life, take care of him/her. They'll need you more than you think. Even if you're afraid, just take a chance, and just know that that child looks forward to you being there. And if you decide to punk out and runaway, that child will always wonder who you are and how you could have somehow made an impact in their life. 

Tickles My Fancyy.

Idris. 
Have you heard of him? Of course you have, his face has been seen in many movies. He's the heartthrob of many older women [such as my mom]. Hehe. OMG. He's very easy on the eyes. Tall, Dark, & Handsome. The epitome of a Black man. Mmmm. 


Recently I found out that aside from being an actor, he is also a DJ andddd emcee. Do you know how much this tickles my fancy? Probably not. See you don't understand that I'm a musichead. I appreciate this shit so much. But yes, Idris Elba makes music. Hip-Hop beats meshed with his UK accent is beyond sexy. Sheesh. You should definitely give him a listen. DJ Driis.

"It makes my heart flut-er."

Ice Ice Baby.

So today Hondie slid as I turned a corner. But instead of spazzing in fear, I remained calm and kept a straight face. Clap for me. Apparently there's a slight snowstorm occurring as of now and life doesn't stop. Here, you're expected to still get up and go to work as if the grounds are clear. But whatever, this comes with Buffalo so I better get used to it for the next couple months. 

This is what I'm dealing with. How fun.

So, it's 11 [e l e v e n] degrees outside right now. You cannot tell me this is not cuffing weather. Regardless of what I said during the summer months, this is definitely the time to have hot cocoa and someone's arms to keep you warm. I mean unless you're too independent and would just rather bundle up in blankets in front of a space heater. 

Good luck with that.

I'll be in the house unless it's absolutely necessary for me to go somewhere. Such as tomorrow.. I have a follow up interview!!. Wish me luck. =]]]

Coming.

As I told you earlier in my life, I'm in Buffalo, NY now. Me and ATL are on a slight hiatus. I'll be back. 

Some people may never understand my reasons as to why I decided to return to my birthplace. From what they see, Atlanta is the mecca for success. And don't get me wrong, the A is awesome, but I felt like I just needed some time to get away from my normal life. Go to a place familiar to me but also new at the same time. I feel like I can actually focus here. Get to know people who write, make music, all that. Meet new people. & just surround myself around those who understand what I want in life and vice versa. You feel? I hope so. Buffalo does have its downs, but what city doesn't? No place is perfect. And I happen to be optimistic. 

Although I'm pretty sure there are striving artists in any other city or state, I notice that here in the Lo these people are hungry. And a good majority of them actually have talent. Not that "I'm in my homeboy-sister's-cousin basement studio music" I'm talking about music that can be played on radios and banged throughout speakers worldwide. This year a lot of people dropped their mixtapes and/or albums in hopes of people getting a chance to better understand their thoughts. 

I dig it. I already told you that I support independent/unsigned music. Especially if it's real shit. Half of the people out here with a deal are recording wackness anyway. I look forward to what 2011 will reveal in everyone. With all this ambition and dedication, I'm sure that next year will definitely be one for the books without a doubt. 

Shoutouts to:

BMW Entertainment

Jae-Skeese (@jaeskeese716)

F1rst Class

Flagrant City (@Flagrant_City)

WellFed (@WellFedTV)

FMG